This is Part 2 of dealing with migraines.
I'm walking.
I'm taking steps.
Forwards and backwards.
The backwards steps are to strengthen muscles
to hold my spine in place
in various places,
in particularly, my foundation... my bum
and to strengthen myself into better health.
Taking steps.
Literally.
Figuratively.
Physical steps.
Mental processes.
Prayer. Even imperfect, messy prayer.
Thoughts.
Actions.
Letting go steps.
Taking new ground steps.
Slowing down some things.
Accelerating others.
I am accepting.
Accepting that I do get migraines.
Accepting that they have robbed joyful moments.
Accepting the anger that has surfaced with that.
Accepting limitations.
Accepting possibilities too.
Accepting that more tea and less coffee is better for me.
Accepting that I cannot keep up a certain pace.
Accepting that a slower pace does not mean poorer quality, but could mean better.
Accepting that there are times for good enough instead of excellence.
Accepting that excellence can begin with taking care of the little things
like my health,
or accepting that my health is a big thing
and not a
little
thing.
I am accepting myself.
Fully. Deeply. With love.
Taking time to walk
forwards
and
backwards
means less time for other things.
I am learning to accept that this is ok.
I am learning
to be kind and gentle
instead of harsh and critical
toward
myself
in my thoughts
and also
in the
goals
and time frames
I choose.
If I continue to do
what I have always done,
I will continue to receive
the same things.
I have to do some things differently.
Hopefully,
this will be a path
to being headache free,
or at least,
rarely having them.
I am learning to listen
again
for the voice of God.
Speaking to me of
unforced rhythms of grace,
rest for my soul,
keeping pace with Jesus,
working with Him,
recovering my life.
I am seeking help.
Chiropractic.
Physical therapy.
Unique techniques for emotions and pain.
Nutritional.
Prayer.
Writing.
Changing pace and attitude.
From the inside out.
Whole person help.
Not just one part.
I am learning
to nourish my
body, mind, soul, spirit.
I am learning that
self-nourishment
is humbling and human
not prideful and selfish.
I am learning that when I do not
nourish my whole self
with
rest,
good foods,
water,
nutrition,
fresh air,
walking,
and
kind
expectations
toward
myself,
my body screams at me to
STOP
with pain.
It is that starvation of
self from good nourishment
that steals the joy from
precious moments.
That stealing is through things like
pressure for perfection,
doing everything alone,
expecting myself to have all the answers,
forgetting who I am in Christ,
eating junk,
not walking,
working hours on end in a chair,
thinking harsh, pressure laden,
frantic, anxious, critical thoughts.
I had a moment this week
when I had this vision pass through my mind
of Jesus
taking me by the shoulders,
looking me square in the eye,
with love and understanding, but firmness,
and saying,
"Just stop it. Stop doing this to yourself.
I am not expecting what you are expecting of you."
Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind as I walked this week.
The phrasing in The Message.
28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out?
Burned out on religion?
Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me
and
you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
See,
I'm learning that God's rules
are life giving
not
life stealing.
He is not the thief.
He is the one who came to give
me
and you
abundant
life.
I am learning that
taking care
of my human self
with things
like
nutrition
and
rest
and His Word
and
His pace
are
the path
to abundant life.
He WILL show me the path of LIFE.
In His presence is FULLNESS of JOY.
At His right hand are PLEASURES FOREVERMORE.
from Psalm 16:11
(my caps and paraphrase there)
Somehow,
there is this lie
I believe sometimes
that
exercise, nutrition, and God's way
steals my happiness, my joy.
But I am discovering
that
even just walking,
not a power workout,
and
a variety of good, nutritious, flavorful, simple food,
not complicated fancy recipes,
and
even just chewing on a few
rich
pieces
of God's word,
just one small bite at a time
not engulfing the whole thing and theology at once,
are
paths of
abundant
joy
and
pleasure.
And I can do it
one gentle
step at a time
right
now.
That's the pace
for now.
AND
there is good news.
Fewer migraines.
Down to one headache last week from three in previous weeks.
Much less pain medication.
Less painful adjustment this time.
My bum doesn't hurt as much.
It is getting better.
