Even If . . . I will Dare to . . .

It takes courage.

To be courageous, I once thought, was to be fearless.

To be brave was to not feel afraid.

But I have learned that what I thought was not true at all.

To be courageous and brave,

is to step forward with

stomach flip-flopping

and

knees knocking

and

voices accusing of inadequacy

floating around in the head.

Waiting for it all to feel

comfortable

will

never

happen

for things

that

require

risk

and

vulnerability.

And that is ok.

That is what I am learning

to

life

forward

with.

The "even if's" and "even though's"

will always be there.

But . . . 

I will DARE to do this anyway.

I will DARE to live what I believe

I will DARE to share what I have to offer.

I am learning that

the

scariest things - -

the most

uncomfortable

things

are

often

those

moments

that hold the most value.

A child that I know

told me a story of

daring to take a stand for someone

one time.

There were no high-fives for the stand.

No "good jobs".

No "you did the right thing".

The response . . . 

hurt.

But do we want to do what we do for the response?

Or do we want to really live what we believe?

Do we want to stand for what we know is good and kind

or

look away from injustice or cruelty

and melt in to the background?

Even if people make fun of me,

even if people text about me or talk about me,

behind my back or right in front of my face,

I will be brave and do something.

I spend time with 12-18 year old kids

at home, at church, at retreats, at camp.

They have stories like this.

They have times they melted into the background.

And times they took a stand.

So do I.

Shame tries to burn it's identity brand onto me for the times I chose to melt.

But in that moment,

it's fearful voice was shaming me into fear of being left alone, left out.

Often that pounding heart of fear

is the very indicator

that we should take a leap of faith

trusting that God's amazing grace will be a catching hand

when we go over the edge of uncertainty.

Because His sure grace and foundation

is far deeper than the things that

pressure with fear.

There are loads of thoughts

in my mind

this week as I prepare to share my art.

It happens every time.

The mental accusations of insecurity and inadequacy.

This morning I dreamed that in the middle of setting up my art display,

I had to leave and when I returned

all of it had been stolen.

Fearful thoughts.

Try to make each of us think we are the only one.

The only one who struggles with such things.

But naming it.  Calling it out.

Bringing it to the light.

Allows fear to be seen.

And allows me to identify

what

I want to be true about me.

And what actions I will take

even if . . . 

I am traveling to Pierre, South Dakota,

tomorrow, January 3, 2013,

to set up art

at

Prairie Pages Bookseller, L.L.C.

My art will be at Prairie Pages Bookseller for the month of January 2013.

There will be an artist reception January 18, from 1:00-6:00.

{Gulp.}

Even though,

I feel like I am putting my whole heart out there,

and maybe people will think my work is amateur or immature,

or maybe they will not even notice,

I will dare to share it for those who may be encouraged by it.

I will dare to be brave-hearted and do it scared,

because my heart always flutters at the things

that

are

valuable.

It is scary every time.

But I am learning

that

if

it is still scary,

if it still feels very vulnerable,

then

it is still valuable,

I am still growing,

still walking by faith,

and trying

new things.

When it starts to be old and boring,

that is when I should really be concerned.