Known. And Loved. And Lead. Everlasting.

Yesterday morning,

I am sitting with four great kids.

Just about ready for high school.

My heart swells with passion

for them

to believe truth

about God

and

about

who He has made them to be.

Truth that I learn and choose to believe moment by moment.

That I have to be reminded of.

That comes so fresh to me some days

that I feel like I never knew it before.

And maybe . . . I did not.

We are reading Psalm 139.

We are learning that God is omniscient.

He is all-knowing.

And not just all knowing about the universe and the stars

and the flowers and trees and snow and wind

and oceans and microscopic germs.

But all knowing about 

"me".

Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me.

Psalm 139:1.

He "gets" me.

The thought is big.  It's "crazy".  It is beyond our understanding.

It is a bit unnerving.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

writes David.

(verse 6)

He understands everything about me.

What I do, what I say, what I think, what I feel.

Better than I understand myself.

And even after that . . . 

"the good, the bad, and the ugly"

... who am I that You think of me?

Who am I?

That you care to take notice?

We can think that because He knows everything about us

that He is holding His hand out saying something like,

Stay away from me!  Stay over there.  I am disappointed in you.

I am angry at you.  You stay away until you have gotten yourself together.

Stay away until you have cleaned yourself up.

Stay over there until you have proven that you are Mine, until you have shown

that you are worthy and obedient and can do it on your own.

What a shame, can't you get in shape?

Can't you get your life together?

Why can't you get out of that addiction?

When you've got it fixed, then you can come to me.

When you don't struggle with that sin anymore,

then you can come to Me.

Then I will help you.

We can think His hand is there held up like "Stop, stay away."

But instead of that,

He knows everything about us and His hand stretches out

saying,

Take it.  Take My hand.  Let me help you.  Let me clean you up.

Tell me about it.

Tell me what is bothering you.

Tell me what you are struggling with.

And My hand will pick you up.

Let me love you right where you are.

I am for you.

I am on your side.

Let's do this together.

You can't do it without Me.

Let Me save you.

Cry out to Me and I will hear you.

Don't wait to reach for me until you look good . . . until you've got it all together.

Because that time will never come.

Let me lead you.

Come on.  Take it.  Take my hand. Come to Me.

I've got a plan.

David wrote,

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

We can trust that God is for us.

For the best for us.

And that He knows what will fulfill our hearts

more than we do.

And we can say,

here it is . . . here is what I cannot fix . . . here is what I cannot get together . . . 

here is the one that I cannot seem to love even though I know I am supposed to.

here is what i cannot seem to stop worrying about.

here is what i am so very afraid of.

i'm sorry i don't believe you.

i'm sorry i don't trust you.

i don't believe in myself anymore.

i can't do it myself.

i've tried.

help me.  forgive me. lead me.

And He will.

He knows me.

He knows you.

He knows the plans He has for you.

And they are GOOD.

They are always good.

Even when it hurts.

Even when it is hard.

Even when I don't deserve it.

Even when I haven't earned it.

He loves.

He plans.

He leads.

He works it out.

He is good.

Living My Life

It's a Sunday.

Late afternoon in January.

That tricks you into feeling

like it's almost Easter.

Erin says,

"It's nice out!"

"Come out and take pictures of me!"

She declares:

"I'm gonna go outside and

live

my

life!"

So we go outside and live some life . . . 

Made In South Dakota

Last week

I was honored

to display my art in the 

Made in South Dakota Showcase

at the 

South Dakota Governor's Conference on Tourism.

What I loved,

was being surrounded by people

who have a love and fascination for South Dakota.

And South Dakota people

are fast friends . . . 

fast family, in fact.

Because we immediately

start asking where one is from,

start telling where we are from,

where we have roots,

and who we know and love

in the community

our new friend is from.

We find out a mutual affection for a person or a place

that has a fond spot in our memory.

We make the small world connections

and we are soon

united

as South Dakotans . . . 

practically family.

I had a wonderful place between down-home Lori & Roger Pietz's Kuchen Kitchen 

(South Dakota's state dessert)

-- kuchen means "cake" in German --

and sweet Kari from

Kari's Kreations

with all her lovely beaded accessories.

I bonded with Diane and Ann from the Ingalls Homestead

over our love for all things Laura Ingalls Wilder,

and, deep breath . . . . beagles.

I made fast friends with Kris

as we selected the best pieces

for her new store opening soon in Garretson, SD.

I knew I could talk for hours with Colleen

at Prynt Comm

when I picked up my business brochures.

People.

I met so many wonderful people.

With a desire to share their love of South Dakota.

Seeing the beauty right where you are.

That is one of the core messages

that I want to share.

When I become fascinated with the everyday ordinary beauty around me

and fall in love with the details that make

"home"

unique,

I live in a place of abundance.

I see the gifts of flowers or frost or sunsets and stars.

I savor the fragrance of the air when it is crisp and clean in the winter

or heavy with humidity and fresh cut hay.

I look at the pattern of a birthmark on my daughter's cheek,

or the salt and pepper tint of my husband's hair

and love that they are like nobody else.

I fall in love with my life.

That includes becoming fascinated with my home state.

I fell in love

with the Missouri River.

I could spend hours walking along the river

listening to the geese and ducks

and watching the eagles that take my breath away.

My week ended with a lovely

artist reception at Prairie Pages Bookseller.

In first grade, I was awarded

a shiny circle wrapped in aluminum foil

with a yellow construction paper circle

that said,

"Class Bookworm".

Prairie Pages,

was perfect combining my love for books, the prairie and art

all in one beautiful little bookstore.

An afternoon of smiles and hugs,

from new friends and old.

I met Lloyd.

He first talked to me about owls.

Because I live at White Owl, 

and he used to work at the Red Owl grocery store that is now Dakotamart.

He showed me his photo album in his pocket.

Told me about every picture.

My favorite was the sunflower

with the heart in the middle.

He is 82, loving the people and places around him, remembering it all with his camera.

We had so much in common.

He asked about how I got started taking pictures and making art.

I told him about how my eyes were opened up to the beautiful things

right where I lived and I fell in love with my life.

I told him I had a journey with God that opened my eyes.

He and I got a little misty eyed.

Misty eyes makes kindred spirits.

Lloyd made my day.

Along with Peggy and Kathy,

Kerry and Bobbi, Becky, Jim and Vicki,

Andrea, Ruby and Kristi, and Sage.

Great people.

Thank you so much to the 

South Dakota Department of Tourism

and to 

Prairie Pages Bookseller

for a warm welcome

and places to share my love of the South Dakota prairie.

Now,

it is good to be home.

I had a week of sipping hot lemon and ginger tea with honey,

nursing myself back to health.

January ends next week

and 

I am pleased to share

my next event for February:

Even If . . . I will Dare to . . .

It takes courage.

To be courageous, I once thought, was to be fearless.

To be brave was to not feel afraid.

But I have learned that what I thought was not true at all.

To be courageous and brave,

is to step forward with

stomach flip-flopping

and

knees knocking

and

voices accusing of inadequacy

floating around in the head.

Waiting for it all to feel

comfortable

will

never

happen

for things

that

require

risk

and

vulnerability.

And that is ok.

That is what I am learning

to

life

forward

with.

The "even if's" and "even though's"

will always be there.

But . . . 

I will DARE to do this anyway.

I will DARE to live what I believe

I will DARE to share what I have to offer.

I am learning that

the

scariest things - -

the most

uncomfortable

things

are

often

those

moments

that hold the most value.

A child that I know

told me a story of

daring to take a stand for someone

one time.

There were no high-fives for the stand.

No "good jobs".

No "you did the right thing".

The response . . . 

hurt.

But do we want to do what we do for the response?

Or do we want to really live what we believe?

Do we want to stand for what we know is good and kind

or

look away from injustice or cruelty

and melt in to the background?

Even if people make fun of me,

even if people text about me or talk about me,

behind my back or right in front of my face,

I will be brave and do something.

I spend time with 12-18 year old kids

at home, at church, at retreats, at camp.

They have stories like this.

They have times they melted into the background.

And times they took a stand.

So do I.

Shame tries to burn it's identity brand onto me for the times I chose to melt.

But in that moment,

it's fearful voice was shaming me into fear of being left alone, left out.

Often that pounding heart of fear

is the very indicator

that we should take a leap of faith

trusting that God's amazing grace will be a catching hand

when we go over the edge of uncertainty.

Because His sure grace and foundation

is far deeper than the things that

pressure with fear.

There are loads of thoughts

in my mind

this week as I prepare to share my art.

It happens every time.

The mental accusations of insecurity and inadequacy.

This morning I dreamed that in the middle of setting up my art display,

I had to leave and when I returned

all of it had been stolen.

Fearful thoughts.

Try to make each of us think we are the only one.

The only one who struggles with such things.

But naming it.  Calling it out.

Bringing it to the light.

Allows fear to be seen.

And allows me to identify

what

I want to be true about me.

And what actions I will take

even if . . . 

I am traveling to Pierre, South Dakota,

tomorrow, January 3, 2013,

to set up art

at

Prairie Pages Bookseller, L.L.C.

My art will be at Prairie Pages Bookseller for the month of January 2013.

There will be an artist reception January 18, from 1:00-6:00.

{Gulp.}

Even though,

I feel like I am putting my whole heart out there,

and maybe people will think my work is amateur or immature,

or maybe they will not even notice,

I will dare to share it for those who may be encouraged by it.

I will dare to be brave-hearted and do it scared,

because my heart always flutters at the things

that

are

valuable.

It is scary every time.

But I am learning

that

if

it is still scary,

if it still feels very vulnerable,

then

it is still valuable,

I am still growing,

still walking by faith,

and trying

new things.

When it starts to be old and boring,

that is when I should really be concerned.