Backwards Progress

This is Part 2 of dealing with migraines.

Part 1 is here: Backwards Steps 

I'm walking.

I'm taking steps.

Forwards and backwards.

The backwards steps are to strengthen muscles

to hold my spine in place

in various places,

in particularly, my foundation... my bum

and to strengthen myself into better health.

Taking steps.

Literally.

Figuratively.

Physical steps.

Mental processes.

Prayer. Even imperfect, messy prayer.

Thoughts.

Actions.

Letting go steps.

Taking new ground steps.

Slowing down some things.

Accelerating others.

I am accepting.

Accepting that I do get migraines.

Accepting that they have robbed joyful moments.

Accepting the anger that has surfaced with that.

Accepting limitations.

Accepting possibilities too.

Accepting that more tea and less coffee is better for me.

Accepting that I cannot keep up a certain pace.

Accepting that a slower pace does not mean poorer quality, but could mean better.

Accepting that there are times for good enough instead of excellence.

Accepting that excellence can begin with taking care of the little things

like my health,

or accepting that my health is a big thing

and not a

little

thing.

I am accepting myself.

Fully.  Deeply. With love.

Taking time to walk

forwards

and

backwards

means less time for other things.

I am learning to accept that this is ok.

I am learning 

to be kind and gentle

instead of harsh and critical 

toward

myself

in my thoughts

and also

in the

goals

and time frames

I choose.

If I continue to do

what I have always done,

I will continue to receive

the same things.

I have to do some things differently.

Hopefully,

this will be a path

to being headache free,

or at least,

rarely having them.

I am learning to listen

again

for the voice of God.

Speaking to me of

unforced rhythms of grace,

rest for my soul,

keeping pace with Jesus,

working with Him,

recovering my life.

I am seeking help.

Chiropractic.

Physical therapy.

Unique techniques for emotions and pain.

Nutritional.

Prayer.

Writing.

Changing pace and attitude.

From the inside out.

Whole person help.

Not just one part.

I am learning

to nourish my 

body, mind, soul, spirit.

I am learning that

self-nourishment

is humbling and human

not prideful and selfish.

I am learning that when I do not

nourish my whole self

with

rest,

good foods,

water,

nutrition,

fresh air,

walking,

and

kind

expectations

toward

myself,

my body screams at me to

STOP

with pain.

It is that starvation of

self from good nourishment

that steals the joy from

precious moments.

That stealing is through things like

pressure for perfection,

doing everything alone,

expecting myself to have all the answers,

forgetting who I am in Christ,

eating junk,

not walking,

working hours on end in a chair,

thinking harsh, pressure laden,

frantic, anxious, critical thoughts.

I had a moment this week

when I had this vision pass through my mind

of Jesus

taking me by the shoulders,

looking me square in the eye,

with love and understanding, but firmness,

and saying,

"Just stop it. Stop doing this to yourself.

I am not expecting what you are expecting of you."

Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind as I walked this week.

The phrasing in The Message.

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? 

Burned out on religion? 

Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. 

I’ll show you how to take a real rest. 

Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. 

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. 

I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 

Keep company with me 

and 

you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

See,

 I'm learning that God's rules

are life giving

not

life stealing.

He is not the thief.

He is the one who came to give 

me

and you

abundant

life.

I am learning that

taking care

of my human self

with things

like

nutrition

and

rest

and His Word

and

His pace

are

the path

to abundant life.

He WILL show me the path of LIFE.

In His presence is FULLNESS of JOY.

At His right hand are PLEASURES FOREVERMORE.

from Psalm 16:11

(my caps and paraphrase there)

Somehow,

there is this lie

I believe sometimes

that

exercise, nutrition, and God's way

steals my happiness, my joy.

But I am discovering

that

even just walking, 

not a power workout,

and

a variety of good, nutritious, flavorful, simple food,

not complicated fancy recipes,

and

even just chewing on a few 

rich

pieces

of God's word,

just one small bite at a time

not engulfing the whole thing and theology at once,

are

paths of

abundant

joy

and

pleasure.

And I can do it

one gentle

step at a time

right

now.

That's the pace

for now.

AND

there is good news.

Fewer migraines.

Down to one headache last week from three in previous weeks.

Much less pain medication.

Less painful adjustment this time.

My bum doesn't hurt as much.

It is getting better.