Saturday, July 11, 2009

"Right On" Words of Encouragement

Lately, this week, this morning, I have been anxious, fearful, hands shaking, afraid of being constrained, trapped, stuck, fake. Afraid to speak. Have I picked up the Word? No.

So this morning I pick up the Word. "Where should I go?", I silently ask. Psalms. I open. Psalm 56.
I read silently. I read aloud:

"Whenever I am afraid,
I will trust in You.
In God (I will praise His word),
In God I have put my trust;
I will not fear.
What can flesh do to me?"

And then . . . verse 8:

"You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?"

I have been wandering all week. Wandering and wondering. And yes, tears. Silent tears. Quiet tears. He knows each and every wander I have taken, each and every tear I have shed. He records them even. He cares that much. My breath is taken away. He knows the depths of my wandering, where they are and why they are, knows their purpose, even if I cannot speak them.

I read on. Verse 9-10:
When I cry out to You
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know because God is for me
In God (I will praise His word),
In the LORD (I will praise His word),
In God I have put my trust;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

I have been putting my trust in myself, my past, my inabilities and/or unwillingness to speak my heart, fearing opinions. Fear comes from that.

A cross reference says Psalm 118:6. So I go there. I read verses 5-6:

I called on the Lord in distress
The Lord answered me and set me in a broad place.
The Lord is on my side;
I will not fear
What can man do to me?

The commentary says that distress is referring to confined, constrained spaces. My fear has been that the Lord will stuff me in a box. But the truth is that he sets me in a broad place, open, free. He is on my side.

Again the cross reference says Psalm 94:17. I turn and read . . .
"Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence."

Sigh. Selah. Wow. I have been on the fence of speaking versus silence. Stepping out versus settling. My soul taking flight in truth versus sinking in under a mask. Without the Lord's help, my soul is destined to settle in silence. But that is not me. I have the Lord's help and so, my soul will not settle in silence.

I have been anxious. I read on. . . same Psalm verse 19:
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

Yes, I am delighted. That has been me this week: a multitude of anxieties. But after this gentle rain of His words directly, specifically, uniquely to my soul, I am truly and completely delighted.

What was unique to me this week? Multitudes of anxiety. Fear. A silent, settling soul. Suffocating claustrophobia. His word spoke to every unique need I had. Not that I am the only one who feels those, but they were my specific needs at this specific time.

Once again, I am amazed. I am encouraged. I am trusting in God, not me, not someone else. I am delighted.

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